I've figured it out - the reason why lately I have been easily annoyed, indifferent, and disrespectful towards Jayson:
I'm losing interest in him.
This started off much longer ago, but I'm going to begin with the time we went on a scary ghost tour in D.C. Jayson got this LS or Groupon deal (I forgot which) for a scary ghost tour around D.C. The actual thing was just a history lesson recap while walking around the Capitol. <--- That's Jayson's definition of fun. Literally. He said he actually had fun, and I believed him; throughout the history lessons, Jayson was all ears... he seemed so fascinated to learn about past presidents and other historical figures, and was even pressed to give a mediocre answer to one of the tour guide's questions. Like dude, youz a loser. So while he was into the whole thing, I watched him from aside and thought to myself "Wtf am I doing here... and is this the kind of guy I wanna be with forever?"
And then there's this whole PFA thing. Jayson finally joined after a few words of encouragement and whatnot from none other than ME. Then, a couple days later, we had the talk. Yes, the talk. The talk where he called me close-minded because I basically told him I could never join something like this simply because it's not "my thing". He was questioning my life decisions. He knows I don't want to do a regular, boring 9 to 5, and that I also don't want to join companies like this where "you work on your own schedule type shit and make lots of money." So, for him, it was like practically asking me: "Well, what the hell are you gonna do with your life, you lazy, unmotivated person?!" Yes, I am sensitive, even if I don't show it. Calling me close-minded just because I don't want to get into this type of thing was very close-minded of him. Why doesn't he understand that I will end up where I'm supposed to be in life - whether it's rich and successful, poor and struggling, or somewhere in between? I'm a go-with-the-flow type of person who knows when to plan, and when not to. Why is he being so pushy with my future? I'm going with His guidance, not his.
And then there's always this thing about Jayson publicly bashing someone or something on his Fb. This time, it was against slang and how it makes American society stupid and that people should learn more English. Dude. This is coming from someone who is an avid user of slang terms, whether he knows it or not... AND not to mention, this nigga has tried to [unsuccessfully] come up with his own slang terms multiple times. That MUST mean he's stupid. Plus, just because one learns English does not make them smart, whereas just because one uses slang terms doesn't make them stupid. And does he not know - slang exists EVERYWHERE in EVERY COUNTRY, that must mean every single person in every single country who uses slang is stupid and contributes to the stupidity of such country. #takeaseatandstoptrynasoundlikeyou'retopshit
And while he goes on bashing other people and things, he also likes to self-appraise. He JUST joined the PFA business and is sicin' himself up.
This is what he said: "Wow, I'm better than I thought. Look out world, this guy is on
"So much for humility.
Conclusion: He's just a narcissistic guy who's always looking for some attention.
Among other things, I'm really just not feelin' him. (I've said this before too.) When we're arguing, he feels the need to be all touchy-feely (which makes me super uncomfortable), so I wind up having to use force to try to push him off. During our last argument, I was pushing him off me (because he kept trying to touch me against my will) and then he started bucking at me aggressively - in what seemed like a threatening gesture. That's just a big no-no.
Also, I don't see Jayson as romantic. Sure, he has chivalrous tendencies, but he's just not romantic. He's a just a wanna-be or a fake-me-out romanticist. But he sure does not know how to please a woman - emotionally, and not just physically. He's also terrible at handling awkward situations. And the way he jokes around with me is just annoying as hell. And to think after 3 years I could accept him for his true self... it seems I haven't even come close.
3 years. That's right. You would also think that after 3 years, couples should just continue to work things out with each other... but for me it seems like 3 years of shit is enough reason for me to just walk away. When we would argue in the past, I've always had urges to talk to him even while we weren't on good terms... I would miss him like crazy... but now... I feel so indifferent. I don't have urges to talk to him and honestly, I don't miss him as crazily as I used to. I am doing sooooo fine without talking to him; I feel at peace... and all his messages all read bullshit to me. I don't care how long we go without talking or seeing each other. I'm going to cherish every minute of it.
I'm bored with him. I don't know what this means for our future, but so be it.
*P.S. Don't you just looove how many slang terms I've used in this long ass blog post? I must be stoopihhh.
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